Thursday, July 28, 2011

Guide to Moving OUT OF a College Dorm

If you’ve followed my Guide to Moving INTO a College Dorm; congratulations! You are successfully in college. Chances are, sooner or later they are going to want you to leave. Follow this helpful guide for tips on a smooth move out. Most of these tips are based on my most recent move out in May.

1. Give yourself at least 24 hours to move out. You don’t want to rush anything.

2. Throw a going away party. The day before a move out is one of the best times to party because it doesn’t matter how trashed the place gets you’ll be gone in a day anyway. Take this opportunity to do all the things you had too much respect or good sense not to do during the year. These may include:
Telling the R.A. to “eat shit”.
Making a move on the engaged grad student.
Explaining to every girl that this is their last chance to get with you, even if they’ve never met you before.
And much much more!

3. The next morning you will be painfully hungover. The dorm will be an absolute train wreck. Crack a beer. This will have the benefit of eliminating your hangover and making the move much more entertaining. You may feel like you’d rather lick the dirty part of a dog’s asshole than ingest more of the substance that created the nauseous feeling in your stomach. Trust me. The first one is the hardest. After that it’s smooth sailing.