I’m not what you might call a “worldly” person. In general I don’t give a shit what’s going on in the news, who is killing who, or what new political agenda is passing because really none of it affects my life. Any news that I actually need to know about will be a major alert that streams down the bottom of the TV screen while I’m jerking it to the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Hurricane hitting the east coast? Stock up on booze we’ve got a long weekend ahead of us.
But I did happen to be reading the newspaper the other day and I came across an article that will definitely affect my life. In fact, it spells doom for all enthusiastic drinkers. New scanner technology is letting bars share information about us when they check our IDs. So every time your ID gets scanned, they get whatever information any other bar has shared about you. Whether you get into fights, how well you tip, how many fat girls you go home with. They can then use that information to decide whether or not they want to let you in, regardless of whether you’ve ever set foot in their bar before. Get kicked out of a bar for shoving an off-duty cop: get denied at the bar down the road. Fucking. Bullshit.